Posted in love

Who Is Your Friend?

One should keep one’s allies in sight (to judge their strength in order to utilize it) and one’s enemies within reach (to read their weaknesses in order to defeat them). True friendship is a rare thing. There is no need to keep a friend in sight or within reach. A friend must be allowed the freedom to find and follow her/his own path. Friends may not be around, but it doesn’t mean they don’t care about us.

Identify the relationships in your life correctly.

The simplified definition of a friend is “unconditional trust.” Similarly, the definition of an enemy is “unconditional mistrust”.  Enemies cannot be reasoned with, they will always work against us. Don’t waste your time trying to convert enemy into an ally. The good news is – enemies, just like friends, are the rarity. Our lives are staffed with allies and adversaries. We hang out with allies, we marry allies, we go into business with allies and we complain about adversaries.

Allies and adversaries are conditional relationships. Adversaries work against our interests to advance their own interest.  If the situation changes and our interests coincide, the adversary can easily transform into an ally.

Similarly, an ally will invest in the relationship with us for as long as it is beneficial to her/him and leave the relationship once the mutual benefit is no longer there. The relationship with an ally must be continuously nurtured or be lost forever.

The relationship with a friend is second best only to the relationship with God.

Posted in humor

To Be Small Fish in Large Pond or Big Fish in Small Pond?

Browsing online, I see people ask one of the most important questions – is it better to be a small fish in a large pond or a big fish in a small pond? The popular opinion  – it is more desirable to be a small fish in a large pond.

Of course, it is hard to discern the truth when the matter is abstract and we talk about fish, so let us make it personal. Would you rather be a president/queen/king of a small country or a regular citizen in a great country like U.S.? Most of us would prefer to be a king! You can always visit U.S. and be treated like a royalty.

Let us take the argument a step further. Is it better to be the richest neighbor in the poorer neighborhood, or a poorest neighbor in the richer neighborhood? Just like in the example above, the right answer – it is better to be the richest neighbor in the poorer neighborhood. We are happy when we are content. We compare ourselves constantly with our peers. Living around much wealthier people will make you miserable and depressed. It will make you feel like a loser in comparison. Of course, there are always exceptions,  some of us enjoy pain.

Posted in humor

North Korea Just Wants to Be Famous, Be the “It Girl”

North Korea is one of the crappiest countries you can think of. I feel bad for its people. If the leader, the man who should not be named, decided to actually open his borders he would instantaneously find himself without subjects, as all his people would flee North Korea.

OK, so the man who should not be named wisely keeps the borders closed. North Koreans can not even imagine what the life is like in the developed world… or they might become dissatisfied with their leader; the man who should not be named thought of that too, and cut off his country from internet and any opportunity to learn about the world.

What if you really wanted to be famous and have everybody talking about you? North Korea does not produce anything worth mentioning, the life is tough and often the people go hungry. Nobody is interested in North Korea! The man who should not be named needs to keep his people in check. So, he introduced a lofty goal. Think Elon Mask and the migration to Mars. Oh, wait, it is not that. Think if North Koreans could challenge the biggest, strongest country in the world! Mission accomplished, suddenly you are the super star and everybody is talking about you. Wait, What? The biggest and strongest country is afraid??

What U.S. should do is to get prepared for everything… and then just ignore the little and inconsequential North Korea.

Posted in happiness

Relax and Score that Goal/Point

From playing sports to thinking quickly on our feet, we are doing so much better if we are relaxed. The problem is- in crucial moments and difficult situations instead of relaxing and taking advantage of our full potential, we do the exact opposite and tense up, messing up that easy golf putting shot, or not finding the right words to answer a simple question.

We are so much cooler when we are relaxed! Here are few ways we can quickly relieve tension for the optimal performance.

Focused attention. Take the pressure off and relax your mind by introducing a central fixation. Central fixation is one thing you concentrate on while doing other things. In yoga, the central fixation is our breath as we transition from one pose to the next. The result- after the practice of yoga we are relaxed, energized, and our mind is clear. While answering difficult questions you can concentrate on your breath to relieve tension. In meditation, central fixation can be a candle flame, or music- a single stimulus that allows us to go deeper into the relaxation. The more you practice meditation with central fixation the easier it will be for you to relax within few seconds.

I like to concentrate on my face to relieve tension. Under stress, the first thing we tense is our mouth. Using mouth as my central fixation, I can monitor my stress level throughout the day and relax when I need it.

Exercise. If we have few minutes to ourselves before we perform, the best way to relieve tension is intense exercise. For example, we can do 15 pushups and go!

Put your body into the power posture. Under stress, we tend to slump, or assume some other diminished body posture. Fight this trend! Sit or stand tall, expand your body, claim the space around you. It will make you feel better and in control.

Imagination. Fake it until you make it. If you let yourself think you suck at something others will quickly catch up and realize that too. Imagine only your success, thus program your brain, so others will believe in it as much as you do.

Posted in love

How to Tell if She/He Is Really Into You

If you ever wondered why your ex married someone else, the answer may be as simple as – they were not all that into you. Learn how to tell when someone’s interest is deep enough and save yourself time and headache wasted on a superficial relationship.

We all project our feelings onto friends, family and loved ones. If we are interested, we think everybody is interested. This may not be the case. Women and men also differ in what they perceive to be the most important part of the relationship. For men, the most important part of the relationship is sex. Women look for love.

The man may be seriously interested in a woman, but if she misinterprets his intentions, she will not give him a chance. Alternatively, the man may not be serious about the woman and she will end up “stuck in a relationship that goes nowhere”.

Make yourself interesting, nobody is attracted to boring. Observe the other party’s interest level:

  1. Are you, yourself, really interested in this person? If you are not, the chances are good the other person is not all that into you either.
  2. Observe the person’s body language. If they are interested in you, they will have an open, forward posture. The person will be animated/excited. They will make more eye contact. They will observe you with interest.
  3. When someone is attracted to you, they will look for the opportunity to touch you. They will welcome your touch in return.
  4. Do they look for you (call, text…) as much as you look for them? If you are the only one who is “working” on the relationship, give it up, they are not all that into you.
  5. Are they often getting impatient with you to the point of being rude? If so, give them up they are not all that into you.
  6. When someone is committed to you, they will invest in the relationship with effort, favors, money, time.
  7. When someone is interested in you, they will reciprocate your giving.
Posted in things to do

Should We Pay Someone to Do Our Chores?

According to a study published in the journal PNAS, people who pay someone to complete household tasks (cleaning, laundry, cooking, shopping and general maintenance) are more satisfied with life. Yet, across all income levels, very few people choose to spend the money in this way.

We are reluctant to spend money on things that can make us happier. Huge amounts of money do not make us automatically happy if it brings stress. What matters is the way we choose to spend the little money we have.

We all want to be happy. There are things/chores we hate to do; we are no good and miserable doing them. Why not pay someone else to do them for us? I am not talking about easy chores we are just too lazy to do. Laziness is our number one enemy. Have you noticed if you keep yourself busy, you can accomplish surprisingly a lot more? When it happens, we have a sense of satisfaction and pride in our work. The less things we have to do, the harder it is to do anything at all; laziness and procrastination come into play. We opt to do nothing and watch TV all day.

Multitasking to the rescue. Doing chores can keep laziness at bay so we can accomplish more. To make chores less tedious, multitask and combine chores with activities you enjoy. For example, you can cook dinner for your family while watching your favorite show on TV!

We are happiest when we have enough time to do things we love to do, the kind of things that bring satisfaction and a sense of accomplishment, those are the things we are great at. Watching TV doesn’t fall in this category. It makes sense to outsource our chores when we don’t get enough time to do the things we love.

Posted in Community

My Questions for Collier County Sheriff’s Office

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Karie Partington, Media Relations Manager with Collier County Sheriff’s Office, was very kind to answer few questions for my blog.

Question:  Lee and Collier Counties are neighbors, yet Collier County crime rate is much lower. Why Collier County has such a low crime rate?

We can’t speak to a comparison between our county and Lee County because each county is unique. However, we can tell you that Sheriff Kevin Rambosk believes that the safest jurisdictions are those in which law enforcement and the community work closely together. Because of his philosophy our deputies are very involved in the community and in return our community is very involved with us. We work with businesses, civic organizations, homeowner associations and individuals to help keep Collier County safe. During the summer we keep the youth of Collier County involved in free and fun activities that we organize with the help of community partners. These activities range from fishing to a build-a-chair program to basketball and much more.

Question: In 2000 Collier County had 3,871 crimes, in 2005 Collier County had 2,403 crimes, in 2010 Collier County had 2,016 crimes, in 2014 Collier County had 1,763 crimes, in 2016 Collier County had 1,540 crimes. As a matter of fact, the crime rate in many U.S. cities and counties is declining, what do you think is the reason for the general crime rate decline?

Law enforcement leaders, sociologists, economists, and political scientists have studied this phenomenon, but there’s no real consensus about what caused this shifting national trend. Locally, we closely monitor crime trends and we work together and with our community and our fellow public safety partners to both prevent crime and put an end to criminal activity. For the past several years Collier County has been the safest metropolitan county in the state, according to statistics by the Florida Department of Law Enforcement.

Question: How does Collier County fight opioid addiction problem?

Our deputies investigate all reports of drug activity with the goal of taking drug dealers off the streets. In addition, we work to connect those who are addicted to drugs with the resources they need to recover. Also, we are currently working with hospitals and EMS to identify where overdoses are originating in the community, which will allow us to target our resources as effectively as possible. It is important to note that CCSO, Drug Free Collier and other community partners created a Heroin Task Force in 2015 to address the problem of heroin and other opioids in the community.

Question: Do we incarcerate more people, and is it a good solution?

Actually, our jail population has been trending downward for several years. The current jail population in Collier County is about 800 inmates. We believe there are many reasons for this decrease.  In addition to the lower crime levels referenced in Question 2 above, we have incorporated an array of programs dedicated to helping inmates succeed and avoid re-arrest when they return to the community. We offer inmates a G.E.D. program, a culinary arts program, and a cell dog program, all aimed at increasing self-esteem and giving inmates marketable skills that they can use to find employment when they return to the community. In addition, our jail staff works with inmates before they are released to develop a release plan and a list of community resources that are available to them. We also partner with NAMI to provide our deputies with Crisis Intervention Team training, which helps them de-escalate situations they encounter in the community. This training also helps Patrol deputies identify individuals who are need of mental health or substance abuse treatment and get them to the resources they need instead of arresting them.

Question: Naples, FL is smaller and quieter than Miami or New York City, do we have gang problems?

Criminal street gangs can form anywhere. We believe that prevention is the first line of defense against gangs. Our Youth Relations Bureau members mentor children in our schools. They also teach the D.A.R.E. curriculum to help them learn how to make positive decisions and avoid peer pressure. Those relationships between Youth Relations Bureau deputies and students continue through the summer months through our Summerfest program. Because no community is totally immune from gangs we have a gang unit aimed at identifying and disrupting street gang activity. Gang unit members monitor criminal street gangs and identify, document and remove gang graffiti in partnership with Collier County Code Enforcement. We also partner with local tattoo parlors who are willing to remove gang tattoos from former gang members who are working to reform their lives.

Question: What is the most troublesome neighborhood in Collier County?

We don’t have areas that we would label as “troublesome.” Every neighborhood is unique, and our deputies work at a neighborhood level to keep each area of Collier County safe.  We also have a crime map function on our website, Members of the community can search their neighborhood to identify any criminal activity as well as sexual offenders living in the area. We provide the maps as a service so that residents and visitors can obtain the information they need to stay safe.

Question: We don’t use red light cameras in Collier County. I feel people are more confident now running a red light. Do you think red light cameras was a good idea?

Law enforcement does not make the decision as to whether communities have red light cameras. This is a decision that local governments make.  Our Safety & Traffic Enforcement Bureau as well as our Patrol deputies develop and execute traffic safety operations aimed at keeping motorists safe and curbing traffic violations including red-light running. We also offer the ZOOM Traffic Hotline, which is 239.530.ZOOM (9666), where people can report traffic problem locations that are not in-progress. Deputies incorporate these problem areas into their traffic safety operation plans. For in-progress traffic infractions that pose an immediate risk to public safety it is best to call 911.