Posted in humor

Beauty and the Beast or Why Women Should Not Chase After Men

This is for all my ladies. We achieved equal rights with men, we can do everything men can do, sometimes we can do it better :), but for as long as it is us, who bear children, few things we need to leave to men. One of them is courting a lover. I will demonstrate my point with the help of our favorite children’s story – Beauty and the Beast.

Gaston is the hottest guy in the village. Many women desire him, they follow him, they swoon, but Gaston is not interested. What is available too readily is rarely appreciated. There is only one woman who makes Gaston work for her affections – Belle. Gaston wants Belle and he would do anything to have her as his wife. Gaston thinks Belle secretly loves him and that is all the encouragement he needs.

Belle pays little attention to Gaston; she wants to achieve her dreams. Belle thinks there is more to life than being Mrs. Gaston.

Belle’s adventures begin when her father gets kidnaped by the Beast. The unfortunate event turns into a blessing in disguise. Belle and the Beast begin their relationship by being rude to each other. There is mutual mistrust. Then, slowly, Belle becomes sweet to the Beast and he is enchanted by her. He is encouraged by her tenderness. The Beast does the impossible for Belle, sacrifices everything. That is when Belle realizes his love is true and chooses to be with him.

Now imagine Belle saw Gaston at the bar, was intrigued, came up and asked for his phone number. What do you think would happen? What if Belle never gave the Beast opportunity to prove his love, perhaps he was never interested in her in the first place. What if Belle kept pushing herself onto the beast and “sacrificing” herself just in case he changed his mind one day and took her “seriously”.

Ladies, always play it smart. Never put yourself at disadvantage.

Posted in humor

Do We Judge Too Quickly?

We are hard-wired for survival. To judge the situation quickly and correctly, to identify the enemy or friend was crucial for our hunter-gatherer ancestors. They had to pay attention, or they were dead in a heartbeat. As we became agricultural society and began to rely on domesticated animals our lives became safer, however it is still important to judge people and situations correctly. We may not die if we misjudge the situation today, but we can become a victim of a crime or… wild animal attack.

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I never understood the zookeepers who befriend tigers and lions. Our society makes us soft in the head with all that “do not judge” nonsense.

Here is the situation. You work at the zoo. Your job is to feed the tiger (you can also picture your “crazy ex” instead of tiger).

Oh, he is so cute, just like a pussycat!

The tiger is excited to see you – that makes you feel good. One day you come to the cage and the tiger roars and tries to claw your eyes out. He must be having a bad day!

The non – judgement expert’s advice: Be mindful. Although judgment is a natural instinct, try to catch yourself before you react, speak, or send that nasty email and do any potential harm. You can’t get your words back. Pause. See if you can understand where the person may be coming from. Try to rephrase your critical internal thought into a positive one, or at least a neutral one. After all, we really don’t know the reasons for someone’s behavior.

My advice: use your eyes- you are dealing with a tiger. It is not a dog, cat or any other domesticated animal. It will never be your friend. If you are actually in the cage with the tiger – get out at once!

The non – judgement expert’s advice: Look for basic goodness. This takes practice, as our minds naturally scan for the negative, but if we try, we can almost always find something good about another person.

My advice: Don’t make a victim out of yourself. Realize it is probably a good tiger, therefore you should not be anywhere near it.

The non – judgement expert’s advice: Repeat the mantra, “Just like me.” Remember, we are more alike than different. When I feel critical of someone, I try to remind myself that the other person loves their family just like I do, and wants to be happy and free of suffering, just like I do. Most important, that person makes mistakes, just like I do.

My advice: The tiger loves its family, just like you do. The tiger wants to be happy and free – you should definitely stay out of its way.

The non – judgement expert’s advice: Look at your own behavior. Sometimes, we may be judging someone for something that we do ourselves, or have done.

My advice: The tiger will be a tiger. Analyzing your own behavior in the cage with it, is not a smart thing to do.

The non – judgement expert’s advice: Give the person the benefit of the doubt. Someone once told me, no one wakes up in the morning and says, “I think I’m going to be a jerk today.” Most of us do the best we can with the resources we have at the moment.

My advice: If you used your eyes, saw you were dealing with a tiger, made numerous excuses for him, and still decided to be friends… well, let’s just say – you deserve each other!

Posted in humor

Puss in Boots, or How Not to be Outsmarted

Bible is not the only book filled with wise advice. One of my favorite children’s story- “Puss in Boots” is a treasure trove of useful information. If you are unfamiliar with the story plot, don’t worry, you will find all you need to know here. Do you have a weakness? You have a problem.

The rich father, the mill owner and a businessman, dies and leaves his three children the inheritance: the eldest brother gets the business, the middle brother gets the transportation/the horsepower, the youngest son, I will call him Steve, gets only a cat. Let me pause here. Just imagine how pissed Steve must feel at this point! He loved his father, he worked hard and he got nothing.

Steve is a decent guy, he did not sue his brothers for his fair share of inheritance, he took the cat and made the best he could with what he had. The cat was a good friend; the only request the cat made (the cat was very interested in the latest fashion) was to have a brand new pair of fancy high heel boots. Steve did not have much money, but he bought the boots she wanted. Steve passed the cat’s test. If, as an employer/friend, Steve did not treat her right, if he was greedy or selfish, she would be out of the door in a flash. There had to be respect and mutual benefit – teamwork.

The cat in boots decided no horse was good enough for Steve, no business was good enough. Steve should be a king, marry a princess, and ride only in a royal carriage. As a royal cat, she could have more wonderful boots, plus royal delicatessens for breakfast, lunch and dinner. The cat began to plot and plan.

There was a king with a young beautiful daughter in the neighboring lands. Kings have a weakness-love for money and power. Give the king what he loves and you will open the door to his mind, soul and resources. Unfortunately, the cat did not have the money, but she hunted everyday and sent the king gifts of game each day under the name of Marquise of Carabas. The king became intrigued. This Marquise of Carabas must be rich and powerful! The king decided to meet the Marquise.

How could Marquise of Carabas receive king if he had no castle? Fortunately, there was an evil wizard in the village who lived in a magnificent castle. The wizard terrorized the poor folks, many heroes tried, but nobody could defeat the wizard.

The wizards have a weakness- they take themselves too seriously and think they are very important. The wizard thought he was the most knowledgeable wizard in the world. He became too cocky to the point of recklessness. The cat apparently admired the wizard a great deal. The cat wanted to acquire such knowledge and understanding, but first wanted a demonstration of wizard’s talent. Could the wizard transform himself in the smallest creature- a mouse? To prove his superiority the wizard turned into a mouse only to be swallowed by the clever cat.

Steve became the master of the castle. The cat explained she got lucky and won the castle in the lottery. The king with the daughter came to visit at once. The king was impressed by the richness of the castle. The princess was impressed by Steve’s good character. Soon they were married and lived happily after.

Of course it would be harder for the cat to figure out how to play the king or wizard if they decided to hide their weaknesses. But then again, nobody is clever enough to hide anything for long, sooner or later we open our mouths and drip the truth out.